Punxsutawney Phil and The Listen and Learn Technique

Gopher It!

In the classic comedy Groundhog Day[i], starring Bill Murray, Phil, a weatherman, goes to Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania to cover Groundhog Day, when the Groundhog, also named Phil, emerges from his den to either see or not see his shadow, thus determining whether winter will last another six weeks or not.  Phil, the weatherman, wakes up every morning trapped in February 2^nd, Groundhog Day.  He actually spends years trapped in the same exact day.  Phil, at one point, asks two locals at the bowling alley who are getting drunk, “What would you do if you were stuck in the same day over and over and nothing you did mattered?”  One of the drunks responds, “Well, that just about sums it up for me.”

            

               Phil lives the same day again and again, at first completely self-absorbed, taking advantage of women, robbing an armored car, and doing whatever he wants.  Then, he sets his conquests on Rita, his producer, and spends months in the same day setting up the perfect date to seduce Rita.  His attempts end day after day with a slap in the face.

Although he can do whatever he wants with no consequences, Phil finds no fulfillment.  Eventually, he sees life as meaningless and tries to commit suicide time and time again, from driving off a cliff to electrocution with a toaster in the bathtub, to stepping in front of a truck to jumping from the top of the three-story hotel.  Yet, every day he wakes up on February 2^nd in Punxsutawney. 

            Maybe you’ve felt like Phil.  No, you’re not trapped in the same day literally, but they all seem the same.  Why is that?  Somewhere along the way you may have forgotten who you truly are and what you are meant to bring to your world, in other words, your Dream.

But if you make The Shift and transform your thinking, you begin to see your current circumstances, the positive and negative, as learning experiences.  You say, “Today I am living my Dream,” and you practice The Listen and Learn Technique.

Here I am in a moment, maybe a moment of struggle.  Winston Churchill said, “If you’re going through hell, keep going!”  The bad news is the struggle brings discomfort.  The good news is Discomfort is my best friend.  He’ll tell me what I need to hear if I’ll listen.  As I go through this moment, I do the following: 

Listen

Have you ever been in a heated discussion?  If you are like me, I often find myself thinking about how I will respond while the other person is still speaking.  When I do this I hear what the person is saying, but I am not listening.  I am actually thinking more about how I can win the argument, sometimes by any means necessary.  I am focused on me, and the short-sighted two stories most people live by unsuccessfully: being right and looking good.  Ever been there?  We know this type of behavior does not bring long-term, lasting success or change.

There’s this great ancient saying about people who don’t listen:

            You will be ever hearing but never understanding; you will be ever seeing but never  

perceiving.  For this people’s heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes.  Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them.[ii]

When we stop listening, our hearts harden, and we stop seeing and understanding others or our circumstances.  It’s nearly impossible to reconcile with others or change for the better when we stop listening.  We can’t bring “healing” or a solution.

There’s a difference between hearing and listening.  When I listen, I open my mind and my heart.  I am not constructing a response.  I focus my attention on the person sharing.  I simply wait and receive what he shares, thinking it over, pausing, and reflecting on his words.  I approach the person with a beginner’s mind, with no preconceived notions.  When I listen, I have not already made up my mind about what I am hearing.  If I respond to someone, I wait a few moments between the person finishing his words and my response.  This practice lends itself to compassion, seeing things through another’s perspective.

We can also practice this when it comes to moments in our lives.  Sometimes, I am so busy rushing through moments, I fail to learn from them.  But if I open my mind and heart, lessons come; the moments teach me.  John Maxwell says, “Walk slowly through the crowd.”  In other words, savor the moment and open your mind and heart.  You never know what amazing insight or lesson each moment may teach you.

While it’s important to be listening to my own voice, writing stories that serve me and attaching those stories to events, I also listen to other voices with an open mind, even negative voices.  I don’t have to agree with them, but they may serve me in understanding some aspects of the moment.

For example, if I want to go to college, but a close family member says, “You can’t do that!  You have no money!”  I listen completely and then filter the pertinent information.  I will throw out You can’t but keep You have no money.  Then, I will think, “I will research people who were in my same position financially and see how they went about being successful.”  From listening comes a plan to overcome the obstacles I face.  Listening can save us from the “school of hard knocks.”  Listening is invaluable to accomplishing your Dream.

Listening entails the following skills:

·      Beginner’s Mind – approach the moment with an open mind and an open heart, like a child experiencing the moment for the first time, setting aside all preconceived ideas.

·      Be in the Moment – be present and think of yourself as a sponge, trying to fully absorb all that the moment has to offer.

·      Focus on Understanding – when the moment involves others, as most moments do, focus on seeing the world from their perspective, so that you can learn as much as possible and bring as much as possible to those in the moment.

·      Determine the Need in the Moment – identify what you can do to help in the moment with the strengths and skills you possess, and do it.

·      Suspend Your Emotions – let go of all emotional baggage from the past, and see the moment for what it is without any emotional coloring.  This gives you a fresh perspective.

·      Suspend Your Judgment – let go of all preconceived notions about the moment, especially a moment similar to moments you have experienced before.  Remember that all moments are unique, even if similar, and lessons from past experiences can prepare you, but be wary of forcing the moment to fit the paradigm, plan, and purpose of previous moments.  You can make your judgments during the adjust stage of The Listen and Learn Technique.

Reflect

When I get up in the morning, as I make my way from the bedroom to the bathroom, I look up and sometimes experience a horror beyond words: my reflection in the mirror!  Ever been there?  As we look in the mirror at the beginning of our day, we take in all of the minor (or sometimes major) adjustments we must make to our disheveled appearance.

That’s exactly what we do when we reflect during a moment.  We take in all of the moment without filtering the information through our preconceptions.  We explore everything in the moment.  Then after letting it all sink in, we begin to determine what ideas will serve us to improve who we are and what ideas we can let go of that don’t serve us.  We keep what serves us and let go of the rest.

Reflection is a common denominator to the most successful people.  Reflection is space where we intentionally stop the busyness that tends to surround, and sometimes, consume us.  Reflection is shutting off the technology, being still, and imagining.  Reflection is essential to growth and learning.

Reflecting entails the following skills:

·      Sum up the Experience – think through the details of the moment, and identify the trends and major lessons of the moment.

·      Ask Questions for Clarity - here are some helpful essential questions:

·      What am I learning about myself?

·      What are my strengths and weaknesses in relation to this person/moment, and how can I play to my strengths and manage my weaknesses?

·      What am I learning about my friends, my colleagues, my co-workers, my family, my community, my world?

·      How can what I’m learning serve me to accomplish and live my Dream?

·      How much and what kind of interaction will I have in future moments with people/moments like these?

·      Are people/moments like these a positive or negative influence on me living my Dream?

·      How will I adjust how I respond and interact with people/moments like these?

·      If I make this adjustment, what consequences may result? If I make a different adjustment, what may happen? (weighing your options)

·      What adjustments will I make when I encounter a similar person/moment?

·      What Course Corrections to my plan and activities will I make to be better prepared for future people/moments like this one?

By listening and asking the right questions at every moment, I do what most successful people do: reflect.  Reflection is difficult, disciplined work, but it binds my Dream to my action.

Learn

To learn is to transform, to become more of who you truly are, to grow in your Greatness.  How many of us keep doing the same things again and again, expecting different results?  Why?  Because we either fail to listen and reflect or, when we do, we fail to change our actions based on listening and reflecting. Why?  Because it’s comfortable and predictable.  Because it’s easier to do the same thing again and again.  Easier and emptier.

Learning entails the following practices:

·      A Humble Heart – humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less.  Humility is not about seeing yourself as unworthy.  It’s knowing your strengths and weaknesses and resting in who you are: a person who’s open to change and willing to grow in the skills necessary to change, a person who is willing to grow her strengths and manage her weaknesses.  A humble heart is malleable and willing to be shaped to change for the better.

·      A Decision to Change Your Mind – a commitment to change the way you think based on the lessons learned in each moment.

·      A Willingness to Try Something Different – attaching your changed mind to actions, realizing the old adage that if you always do what you’ve always done, you’re going to always get what you’ve always got.

·      A Spirit of Adventure – writing a story that sees opportunity in every obstacle and developing an attitude that sees every moment in the best light, moments of mystery and adventure.

Adjust, and Move On

Adjusting entails putting the lessons learned into actions.  I change my mind, commit to trying something new, then, I live it.  I move into the next moment trying something new.  As I experience the next moment, I listen, reflect, learn, adjust and move on.  This is the rhythm of truly living.

What About Phil?

In Groundhog Day, eventually, Phil, the weatherman, listens to Rita, his producer, who tells him, “I don’t know, Phil, it’s all in how you look at it.”

From that moment on, Phil makes The Shift, changing his mind to make the most of every moment, from reading great literature, to learning to play the piano, to saving a boy from falling out of a tree and a man from choking, to fixing an elderly gentleman’s back, to changing a flat tire for some elderly women, to providing hospice for a homeless man who dies on the evening of Groundhog Day.  He takes every moment and develops personally, serving others in the process.  He learns to love himself, and in turn he grows to love others.  He appreciates what each moment brings because he understands his calling is caught up in becoming whom he truly is in order to serve others.

Every moment serves us in our transformation to live our Dream.  Phil employs the listen and learn technique and begins to live a fulfilling life at every moment. As he acts, he learns, and as he learns, he adjusts, experiencing transformation from the inside out.  He serves and loves the people of Punxsutawney and Rita.  He listens to the moment and asks, “How is this serving me?” He learns from each moment and asks, “How can I apply this lesson?”  Interestingly, even though Phil faces no consequences because Groundhog Day begins anew every day, Phil moves from life-is-about-me to life-is-meaningless to life-is-about-loving-and-serving-others.  He lives a life of significance, and significance is always part of intentionally living the transformed life of one’s Dream.  Phil makes The Shift, listening, reflecting, learning, and adjusting.  He escapes the never-ending circle and lives the spiral of life.

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[i] Groundhog Day.  Dir. Harold Ramis.  Perf. Bill Murray, Andie MacDowell, Chris Elliot, and Stephen Tobolowsky.  Columbia Pictures, 1993. DVD.

[ii] Matthew 13: 14-15; Isaiah 6:9

Chapter 11: Choice