The Accuser vs. The Advocate

The Accuser

OK, so you know that voice?  The one you wake up with, and who stays with you all day?  The one that tries to get you down and keep you there?  The one that never relents?  Ya, that one.  I like to call him The Accuser because that’s what he is.  He’s that voice that points out everything you’ve done wrong, you’re doing wrong, or you’re going to mess up because of what you’ve done wrong in the past.  He’s the one who tells you that you weren’t good enough, you aren’t good enough, and you’ll never be good enough.  He’s the one who comes to steal your day, kill your Dream, and rob your joy.  Ya, that voice!

And here’s the thing:  he doesn’t show up in the big things.  He shows up in the little things.  You know what I mean?  The big stuff I’m prepared for.  It’s in those little moments when I’m not suspecting his accusations that he does most of his work.

One of the Accuser’s major weapons is fear.  It’s been said that we are born with only two fears: the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises.  But very quickly the Accuser works his way into our minds and starts rattling off more fears until we find ourselves paralyzed by those fears.  Ever struggled with any of these:  Fear of failure?  Loss?  Losing control?  Not fitting in?  Rejection?  Being uncomfortable?  Vulnerability?  Judgment?  Not being accepted?  What others think of you?  Pain?  Illness?  Death?  Inadequacy?  Loneliness?  Powerlessness?  Being exposed as a poser, a hypocrite, or a pretender?

A second weapon the Accuser uses on us is shame.  In his book, Crash the Chatterbox, Steven  Furtick explains that shame shows up and practices The Three P’s on us.  Shame is personal, pervasive, and permanent. The Accuser’s use of shame shows up in my life far more than I’d like to admit, but I’m going to admit it to you right now.  Let me tell you about a time where the Accuser showed up in one of those small moments to wreak big havoc in my mind and, consequently, my life.

One day my wife was having an open house at our home for our business.  She asked me to set up the coffeemaker, so that when people began to arrive she could start it, and we could have fresh coffee.  So, I set up the coffeemaker and pressed the button to turn it on.  About halfway through the brewing of the coffee I realized what I had done: turned on the coffeemaker instead of just getting it prepared.  And that’s when the Accuser showed up:

You are so stupid! [personal]  You never listen! [permanent]  Why can’t you do anything right? [pervasive]  Even with the simple things you do, you are a screw up!  [pervasive]  You think you’re a good example? [personal]  You think you can speak into people’s lives? [pervasive]  What a hypocrite! [personal]  You are so arrogant! [personal]  You are full of pride! [personal]  What makes you think you can share any wisdom? [pervasive]  Nobody wants to listen to you! [pervasive].

Here’s the process when I submit to the power of the Accuser:  A mistake becomes guilt, and guilt becomes condemnation, and condemnation becomes shame, and shame renders me powerless.  Have you been there before?  Maybe these resonate with you:

·      You’ll never be good enough. [pervasive]

·      You’ll never be successful. [pervasive]

·      You’re a failure. [personal] 

·      Everyone thinks you’re a loser. [pervasive] 

·      You’re no mathematician. [personal]  

·      You can’t make, let alone, save money. [personal] 

·      Your marriage is a failure, and so are you! [permanent] 

·      You have no friends. [pervasive]

·      You are unlovable. [personal] 

·      Everyone judges you all the time. [pervasive]

·      You’re not lucky. [personal] 

·      You can’t trust your feelings. [pervasive] 

·      You can’t trust anyone. [pervasive]

·      You’re weak. [personal] 

·      You’re not capable. [personal] 

·      You’re so stupid! [personal] 

·      What makes you think you can be happy? [permanent] 

·      You don’t deserve happiness! [personal]

·      You have no talents. [personal] 

·      You are not gifted. [personal] 

·      Everyone else has strengths except for you! [permanent] 

·      You have nothing new to offer. [personal] 

·      You’re not a business person. [permanent]

·      No one likes you.  [pervasive]

·      You are average. [personal]

·      You are mediocre. [personal]

Do any of those examples resonate with you?  Some of them do for me.  But here’s the deal: these are lies!  The Accuser is a liar!  Don’t you dare believe him or her (If you are a woman, he sounds like a woman I’ve been told by women.  In fact, in my head he sounds a lot like me, and this is common also I’ve been told.  I just have to remember that he sounds a lot like me, but he is NOT, I repeat, NOT me or you!)  So how do we overcome what I call the head trash that seems to plague every human in some way or another?  How do we stop listening to the Accuser and change these stories?

The Advocate

            Well, there’s this other voice.  This one we must practice listening for and to because our natural default is the Accuser.  In Judaism this other voice is called the “still small voice” (the literal Hebrew translation is a voice without sound).  In The New Testament it’s called the Holy Spirit.  In much of wisdom literature it is the voice that speaks Truth.  This voice of Truth reminds you - literally gives you a new mind - of whom you truly are.

            When the Accuser showed up at the coffeemaker, the Advocate swooped in and said, “Brad, it’s just coffee.”  And in that moment the Accuser was vanquished.  If my mind is the courtroom, the Accuser prosecutes me using every little piece of the circumstances to get me down and keep me there. But circumstantial evidence in the court of my mind is never enough proof to render me guilty unless I allow it. So listen, listen, listen:  My circumstances do not define me.  Where I am IS NOT who I am!  The Advocate shows up and defends me against the false charges, and in TRUTH, tells me whom I am.  The case of trumped up charges is thrown out!

            Here’s the process when I listen to the Advocate: A mistake leads to grace, and grace leads to conviction, and conviction leads to a change of mind, and a change of mind leads to a transformed way of life, and a transformed way of life renders me powerful.

            “So Brad, how do I listen to the Advocate and not the Accuser?”  Great question.  Let’s look at something you can do.

Positive Affirmations

            When the Accuser shows up, and you are thinking negatively about yourself or a circumstance in which you find yourself, one of the most important skills you can develop is to let the Advocate change your negative thinking to positive thinking regarding yourself or the circumstances.

The good news: It really is that simple.  The bad news: It isn’t easy at first because the Accuser is going to show up every day.  The good news:  It is a choice to practice listening to the Advocate.  The bad news: You will have to do this every day for the rest of your life.  The good news: Just like anything in life, it will get easier as you practice it more and more.

Now, this is going to blow your mind:  When it comes to practicing this, think of it this way:  You are already choosing to believe the negative things the Accuser is telling you.  You are already choosing that defeatist attitude.  So why couldn’t you choose a victorious attitude by listening to the Advocate?

Your subconscious mind is just going to process what you feed it.  So if you feed it negative morsels, it’s going to grow into a big nasty monster, but if you feed it positive morsels, it’s going to grow into a young, svelte, capable, victorious Adonis[i].  Now, what would you rather be? (Hint: Greek gods are cool!)

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[i] A Greek life-death-rebirth deity.  Transformation. . . .boom!  There it is!